World Suicide Prevention Day

Another day has dawned and a quick read of today's paper reveals no mention of WSPD. Less than last year - even though the Press Council has rewritten the guidelines regarding the reporting of suicide in the media.

Glad the article I have in the Sydney Morning Herald's online edition is getting quite a few reads and some 'likes' on facebook!
My thanks for this opportunity go to Julie Robotham (Health Editor) and Mindy Laube (online Lifestyle Editor). I hope this may go some way towards raising awareness.

So today, spare a thought for the 2000 families affected by suicide within Australia annually and understand that when someone takes their own life how unwell they must have been to take such a drastic step.

Yesterday I attended the Wesley Lifeforce memorial at the Sydney Opera House and I was glad I did. It was another step in the healing and grieving process and yes, I was,for the first time surrounded by others who could empathise.

My current fundraising efforts for the Black Dog Institute are going well - it is a freezing morning here, with strong winds predicted, but Buster and I will enjoy it regardless - the sky is clear and the ocean will be in its usual splendour.

I'm always happy to see funds raised for Black Dog,as the Institute provides such a wealth of support but I can't help but think about another area we've directed funds to in the past.

Our local hospital's pysch ward.

Often under resourced, the nursing staff do a great job yet the patients often have little to occupy them during the day. Think about donating directly to your own local hospital - current magazines, board games, dvds, even that wii or exercise bike you may no longer use would go a long way to help pass the time, keep busy for those who, like Greg, were in hospital for safety reasons.

Just a thought on a day when we are thinking about suicide prevention.

Dreams

Another dream about Greg last night - this time he was laughing fit to burst while playing with our two children. His chuckling filled the dream, accompanied by the giggling children, who were years younger.....it was like I had been transported to the past and filled me with a warm feeling. Why though, were the children younger than present? - a psych would probably interpret it as perhaps a desire to go back to that time - before the black dog gripped Greg in its vice.

It was different to the other recurring dreams I have experienced where he walks through the door and says that he changed his mind - has decided his will to live is greater than his will to die. If only!
Or the dream I had just days after he died where he is standing at the doorway of our room, looking at me and then he turns and walks away.....his face was still so bereft that I thought, within the dream, 'see, that didn't make you any happier, either'.

At least in the latest dream he was laughing.

I hope he is.

Black Dog Pedometer Challenge

Wow! Two posts in one day....must post my fundraising page for the Black Dog Institute. Buster (our border collie) and I are on a mission to walk as many steps as possible during September. We can be sponsored here:

Father's Day...just another day?

Father's Day is hard in our house. Maybe not as bad as last year, though....we keep busy and to ourselves a bit. It's particularly hard for my eldest - I feel he is only now coming to terms with and accepting his father's death, 18 months on. Tomorrow is a new day, though. I remember the ads for FD last year used to grate like nails on a blackboard...now I just block them out. The day is just about over and I won't read any more facebook posts about fathers today.

Good news since my last post....I've written a picture book about a little girl dealing with her father's depressive illness and Wombat Books (thanks Rochelle) will be publishing it next year...probably in Mental Health Week...that's the plan, anyway. Have seen the storyboard for the illustrations and have high hopes!

Also wrote an article about being left behind, which would be great to be published - especially as we approach World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10.It was cathartic to write about the day Greg took his life and banish a few demons in the process. RUOK Day is on the 15th September - I am promoting this on both facebook and twitter (@sharonmacg)

Read a good article in today's SH about Lori, also left behind earlier in 2011. She spoke about being disconnected and I remember that feeling so well.....it is still with me sometimes.
Spring is here and our clivea (which Greg planted) are in full bloom. His garden lives on, in spite of me.

Little Steps

A couple of months have passed since my last post and we have been treading water, battling at times to keep our heads above, yet sometimes I can see beyond this year - just to be able to accept that we will get through is enough. My children battle their own demons and I wonder had the nightmare occurred when they were younger, would their understanding, acceptance and battles have been easier. Who knows?

For myself, my work is a slight distraction, but I could still give it up tomorrow. All I want to do at present is write. And so I do - and feel better for it. Does it make the demons go away? Does it help me make sense of it all? I'm just running on gut instinct and that seems to work.

This week I feel a slight change. Perhaps it could be due to a book I picked up during the week - 'When The Rains' by Maggie Mackellar who endured not only the suicide of her husband, but within two years, also the death of her mother. Reading this book I realised some common threads linking our experiences, feelings and thoughts and the book helped. So, many thanks Maggie!

I have also been frustrated with the media and the ongoing 'blackout' with regard to open discussion about suicide. The Sydney Morning Herald this week has published an opinion article 'It's time to confront the deadliest demon...' which prompted some letters to the editor - hurray! Some discussion at last. Luckily, I had one published this morning..... 'No hysteria in preventing suicide'. Hope the discussion keeps going.

Sharon

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Treading water

The above describes the way I am currently coping most days, although I do think I am slowly moving forward as well. Grief is certainly a strange beast. I feel as though there is a weight upon me and my feelings are still quite numb. I hope in time both will pass. I only work two days per week, yet I don't seem to have the time or energy to get all my tasks done. It's as if I am also in slow motion - time passes but I appear to achieve little.
So, I aim for a couple of 'jobs' each day and feel satisfied with that. In the past I was able to cope with so much more, but my head feels 'full' already. I think this is probably 'normal' and no longer beat myself up about it. I have heard there is a 'National Solace Grief Conference' in Sydney on October 8th & 9th which may be helpful - the preliminary program looks good so far. See: http://www.solace.org.au/