And then there were three......

We were once a family of four....husband, wife and two kids but on February 21 2010 this was forever changed when my husband of 17 years took his own life after a losing battle with bi polar II disorder.

In dealing with our grief over the last few months, as a librarian, I naturally visited the public library searching for a book that would help explain what I was feeling and the thoughts which were constantly invading my headspace. Although I had experienced grief with the death of my father in 2001, there was a profound difference this time. My feelings of detachment from others, an inability to actually verbalise the details of his death, the difficulty of seeing myself in the future - alone and of course, how I was going to raise my children to healthy, happy adulthood were constant thoughts.

I found nothing published. Well, not what I was looking for anyway, which was and still is....the experiences of others, who like me, have been left behind. The brochures on grief - and those which related to suicide grief from Lifeline were helpful, but I what I wanted and needed to read is how others in my situation have coped. Did they experience the same feelings as me? Did everything seem so surreal? Were they able to function and appear normal when inside you had trouble controlling your thoughts?

I like to write short stories and toyed with the idea of developing such a book, even contacting the Black Dog Institute for some advice.

One of their suggestions was to write something online, so I chose a blog. This will hopefully enable others to tell their stories, providing the blog is read!

I'm still working through much of what's happened and in future posts I'll talk about some of the issues which have stood out or which I am still coming to tems with.

I was told of a book by renowned Professor of Psychiatry and researcher of suicide prevention - Diego De Leo entitled 'Turning Points' (2010 Australian Academic Press, QLD) which not only tell the stories of suicide attempters, but three stories are by those left behind. I commend it to you.

There are some useful links listed opposite. On the 'Support after Suicide' site, you can read some other stories by those left behind. Read them here: http://www.supportaftersuicide.org.au/other-peoples-stories/


So, until next post I hope to hear from others 'left behind'......

Sharon