After a hard fought battle with cancer, it is with sadness I write of the passing today, of Gavin Larkin founder of RUOK Day.
Thankyou Gavin for speaking out and your tireless effort in de stigmatising suicide.
Gavin's father took his own life in 1995. Gavin founded RUOK Day in 2009 and is dedicated to not only Gavin's father Barry, but all those around the world who have died by suicide and the friends and family who loved them.
At peace.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Pets and Grief
We have a terrific border collie called Buster who is now nearly four years old. Greg and I (sometimes the kids) would take it in turns to exercise him - and ourselves.
For a border collie though, Buster was sometimes lazy...yes, I know it sounds bizarre but he doesn't like to just run - there has to be some purpose to it. We never missed a day of getting out with him and now between the three of us, Buster still gets his daily dose. He is a lovable, loyal member of our family with a personality all his own.
Always alert to strangers, on the day that Greg died, he knew something was different - there had been a shift in our world - his included. His favourite place is where he can see us - on our back verandah near the kitchen door (which is a half french door) and he always barks at people (apart from us) who are in the kitchen.
On the day that Greg died, we were surrounded by friends and family...the house was continually filled with people.
Buster didn't bark once.
He set up a quiet vigil at the back door and didn't budge.
On the day of the funeral, he started escaping and would always head in the same direction.....Greg's last path.
It became a daily obsession - as soon as we left the house, Buster would be determined to escape and head off. Was he looking for Greg?
Several times people had called - they had spotted him, or held him for us. Whenever we went out, we had to lock him on the verandah or else he could dig furiously under the house, move bricks, rip wooden palings off the back of the house in his determination to tread that same path.
In the end, we had to lay paving to stop him digging his way out and he is now back to his usual placid self. Eager to walk, but only accompanied. Always, however on the alert for us - our friend and protector.
For a border collie though, Buster was sometimes lazy...yes, I know it sounds bizarre but he doesn't like to just run - there has to be some purpose to it. We never missed a day of getting out with him and now between the three of us, Buster still gets his daily dose. He is a lovable, loyal member of our family with a personality all his own.
Always alert to strangers, on the day that Greg died, he knew something was different - there had been a shift in our world - his included. His favourite place is where he can see us - on our back verandah near the kitchen door (which is a half french door) and he always barks at people (apart from us) who are in the kitchen.
On the day that Greg died, we were surrounded by friends and family...the house was continually filled with people.
Buster didn't bark once.
He set up a quiet vigil at the back door and didn't budge.
On the day of the funeral, he started escaping and would always head in the same direction.....Greg's last path.
It became a daily obsession - as soon as we left the house, Buster would be determined to escape and head off. Was he looking for Greg?
Several times people had called - they had spotted him, or held him for us. Whenever we went out, we had to lock him on the verandah or else he could dig furiously under the house, move bricks, rip wooden palings off the back of the house in his determination to tread that same path.
In the end, we had to lay paving to stop him digging his way out and he is now back to his usual placid self. Eager to walk, but only accompanied. Always, however on the alert for us - our friend and protector.
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Ripple Effect
Like the stone thrown into the calm, still water, the effects of a suicide can spread slowly, but grow larger, encompassing all those who have come into contact with our loved one.
For me,I am forever linked to the husband of a close friend who I called to help me find Greg after I found his note. He gave me strength that day in his own calm, supportive way - even though I felt how difficult this task was for him. He didn't shirk it, he held me and I sank into him, desolate. In the intervening months he has fought his own demons about that day and has come through, knowing how much he supported me, knowing that he has a quiet strength that is rarely found. His wife did too, just being there and comforting our children.
I have felt guilty yet grateful to them both.
In the aftermath, I wrote to the station master and the ambulance officers who looked after Greg when I no longer could. I apologised, and explained about Greg's illness. I hoped they'd understand. Two policewomen were also at the scene, took control, were non-judgemental and gentle, efficient and effective.So young. How could this not affect them as well. I go over my conversations with the Snr Constable again and again...did I thank them? I hope so. How many more letters do I need to write, to explain, to convey my thanks for bringing us through that nightmare. I hope our friends who stayed with us on that day and the following days know that I appreciated their presence, and if I haven't said it before, I'll say it now.
Thank you.
To those many, many friends who didn't hesitate to phone and visit, leave food and notes.
Thank you.
For me,I am forever linked to the husband of a close friend who I called to help me find Greg after I found his note. He gave me strength that day in his own calm, supportive way - even though I felt how difficult this task was for him. He didn't shirk it, he held me and I sank into him, desolate. In the intervening months he has fought his own demons about that day and has come through, knowing how much he supported me, knowing that he has a quiet strength that is rarely found. His wife did too, just being there and comforting our children.
I have felt guilty yet grateful to them both.
In the aftermath, I wrote to the station master and the ambulance officers who looked after Greg when I no longer could. I apologised, and explained about Greg's illness. I hoped they'd understand. Two policewomen were also at the scene, took control, were non-judgemental and gentle, efficient and effective.So young. How could this not affect them as well. I go over my conversations with the Snr Constable again and again...did I thank them? I hope so. How many more letters do I need to write, to explain, to convey my thanks for bringing us through that nightmare. I hope our friends who stayed with us on that day and the following days know that I appreciated their presence, and if I haven't said it before, I'll say it now.
Thank you.
To those many, many friends who didn't hesitate to phone and visit, leave food and notes.
Thank you.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
World Suicide Prevention Day
Another day has dawned and a quick read of today's paper reveals no mention of WSPD. Less than last year - even though the Press Council has rewritten the guidelines regarding the reporting of suicide in the media.
Glad the article I have in the Sydney Morning Herald's online edition is getting quite a few reads and some 'likes' on facebook!
My thanks for this opportunity go to Julie Robotham (Health Editor) and Mindy Laube (online Lifestyle Editor). I hope this may go some way towards raising awareness.
So today, spare a thought for the 2000 families affected by suicide within Australia annually and understand that when someone takes their own life how unwell they must have been to take such a drastic step.
Yesterday I attended the Wesley Lifeforce memorial at the Sydney Opera House and I was glad I did. It was another step in the healing and grieving process and yes, I was,for the first time surrounded by others who could empathise.
My current fundraising efforts for the Black Dog Institute are going well - it is a freezing morning here, with strong winds predicted, but Buster and I will enjoy it regardless - the sky is clear and the ocean will be in its usual splendour.
I'm always happy to see funds raised for Black Dog,as the Institute provides such a wealth of support but I can't help but think about another area we've directed funds to in the past.
Our local hospital's pysch ward.
Often under resourced, the nursing staff do a great job yet the patients often have little to occupy them during the day. Think about donating directly to your own local hospital - current magazines, board games, dvds, even that wii or exercise bike you may no longer use would go a long way to help pass the time, keep busy for those who, like Greg, were in hospital for safety reasons.
Just a thought on a day when we are thinking about suicide prevention.
Glad the article I have in the Sydney Morning Herald's online edition is getting quite a few reads and some 'likes' on facebook!
My thanks for this opportunity go to Julie Robotham (Health Editor) and Mindy Laube (online Lifestyle Editor). I hope this may go some way towards raising awareness.
So today, spare a thought for the 2000 families affected by suicide within Australia annually and understand that when someone takes their own life how unwell they must have been to take such a drastic step.
Yesterday I attended the Wesley Lifeforce memorial at the Sydney Opera House and I was glad I did. It was another step in the healing and grieving process and yes, I was,for the first time surrounded by others who could empathise.
My current fundraising efforts for the Black Dog Institute are going well - it is a freezing morning here, with strong winds predicted, but Buster and I will enjoy it regardless - the sky is clear and the ocean will be in its usual splendour.
I'm always happy to see funds raised for Black Dog,as the Institute provides such a wealth of support but I can't help but think about another area we've directed funds to in the past.
Our local hospital's pysch ward.
Often under resourced, the nursing staff do a great job yet the patients often have little to occupy them during the day. Think about donating directly to your own local hospital - current magazines, board games, dvds, even that wii or exercise bike you may no longer use would go a long way to help pass the time, keep busy for those who, like Greg, were in hospital for safety reasons.
Just a thought on a day when we are thinking about suicide prevention.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Dreams
Another dream about Greg last night - this time he was laughing fit to burst while playing with our two children. His chuckling filled the dream, accompanied by the giggling children, who were years younger.....it was like I had been transported to the past and filled me with a warm feeling. Why though, were the children younger than present? - a psych would probably interpret it as perhaps a desire to go back to that time - before the black dog gripped Greg in its vice.
It was different to the other recurring dreams I have experienced where he walks through the door and says that he changed his mind - has decided his will to live is greater than his will to die. If only!
Or the dream I had just days after he died where he is standing at the doorway of our room, looking at me and then he turns and walks away.....his face was still so bereft that I thought, within the dream, 'see, that didn't make you any happier, either'.
At least in the latest dream he was laughing.
I hope he is.
It was different to the other recurring dreams I have experienced where he walks through the door and says that he changed his mind - has decided his will to live is greater than his will to die. If only!
Or the dream I had just days after he died where he is standing at the doorway of our room, looking at me and then he turns and walks away.....his face was still so bereft that I thought, within the dream, 'see, that didn't make you any happier, either'.
At least in the latest dream he was laughing.
I hope he is.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Black Dog Pedometer Challenge
Wow! Two posts in one day....must post my fundraising page for the Black Dog Institute. Buster (our border collie) and I are on a mission to walk as many steps as possible during September. We can be sponsored here:
Father's Day...just another day?
Father's Day is hard in our house. Maybe not as bad as last year, though....we keep busy and to ourselves a bit. It's particularly hard for my eldest - I feel he is only now coming to terms with and accepting his father's death, 18 months on. Tomorrow is a new day, though. I remember the ads for FD last year used to grate like nails on a blackboard...now I just block them out. The day is just about over and I won't read any more facebook posts about fathers today.
Good news since my last post....I've written a picture book about a little girl dealing with her father's depressive illness and Wombat Books (thanks Rochelle) will be publishing it next year...probably in Mental Health Week...that's the plan, anyway. Have seen the storyboard for the illustrations and have high hopes!
Also wrote an article about being left behind, which would be great to be published - especially as we approach World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10.It was cathartic to write about the day Greg took his life and banish a few demons in the process. RUOK Day is on the 15th September - I am promoting this on both facebook and twitter (@sharonmacg)
Read a good article in today's SH about Lori, also left behind earlier in 2011. She spoke about being disconnected and I remember that feeling so well.....it is still with me sometimes.
Spring is here and our clivea (which Greg planted) are in full bloom. His garden lives on, in spite of me.
Good news since my last post....I've written a picture book about a little girl dealing with her father's depressive illness and Wombat Books (thanks Rochelle) will be publishing it next year...probably in Mental Health Week...that's the plan, anyway. Have seen the storyboard for the illustrations and have high hopes!
Also wrote an article about being left behind, which would be great to be published - especially as we approach World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10.It was cathartic to write about the day Greg took his life and banish a few demons in the process. RUOK Day is on the 15th September - I am promoting this on both facebook and twitter (@sharonmacg)
Read a good article in today's SH about Lori, also left behind earlier in 2011. She spoke about being disconnected and I remember that feeling so well.....it is still with me sometimes.
Spring is here and our clivea (which Greg planted) are in full bloom. His garden lives on, in spite of me.
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