Another dream about Greg last night - this time he was laughing fit to burst while playing with our two children. His chuckling filled the dream, accompanied by the giggling children, who were years younger.....it was like I had been transported to the past and filled me with a warm feeling. Why though, were the children younger than present? - a psych would probably interpret it as perhaps a desire to go back to that time - before the black dog gripped Greg in its vice.
It was different to the other recurring dreams I have experienced where he walks through the door and says that he changed his mind - has decided his will to live is greater than his will to die. If only!
Or the dream I had just days after he died where he is standing at the doorway of our room, looking at me and then he turns and walks away.....his face was still so bereft that I thought, within the dream, 'see, that didn't make you any happier, either'.
At least in the latest dream he was laughing.
I hope he is.
Sharon,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your article with SMH/The Age.
I lost my younger brother 5 years ago. I think of him every day.
I really appreciated your writing, its important that we can feel comfortable talking about all this.
I used to especially hate just after he passed people asking me about family, and initially considered not mentioning I had a brother because I did not want to then go into details. But this cannot be - he will always be my brother.
I respect he made his own decision.
Please always keep your husband's memory alive - but you must be always in the present. Do all you can to continue, I am sure he would want it this way and want you to live the very best way possible.
K
Thankyou for writing, K. I'm sorry you experienced the loss of your younger brother to suicide. I think people avoid mentioning our loved ones thinking they are sparing us pain when in fact the opposite can be true. I try to make sure that I talk about Greg and it is a comfort talking about some of our favourite memories with friends and having a laugh. We are looking forward, though - as we must.
ReplyDeleteSharon